Joy from…

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Joy From…

 

One foot moving in rhythm

After the other,

Step, step.

Quieting the mind,

All attention on breathing

In, out.

Heightened senses

Hear all the sounds

Smell each home as I walk by

Feel my body working, sweating, moving.

Until I’m no longer my body,

It’s moving of its own accord,

I feel the pull of gravity

As I jog down the hills.

I am free,

Joy can be understated

Simple and quiet.

Joy from

Letting go of attachment.

Joy from allowing

Life to be.

Joy from

Hope in love and light.

Joy from walking

On a warm night,

With the wind in my hair.

 

I am always so grateful when there is joy in my life, or rather when I can see and accept joy into my life. I find that so often joy comes from the smallest things. Going for a walk on a warm evening, drinking a cup of tea, laughing with friends, the list goes on and it’s not filled with giant adventures, but rather little steps along the way. Even though giant adventures like my trip to South Africa are wonderful and great it’s not the bigness of the trip that I remember or that brought me joy, it was the little things that added up to make it a joyful trip. Sometimes I am tempted to hold tightly to the things that bring me joy, but I know the best way to enjoy them is with an open hand, allowing them to flow easily in and easily out again. Trusting that joy will come again. What brings you joy?

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I am where I am

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To Be Present

 

Water rushes over me

But I’m not here,

I’m going over my to-do list,

Thinking what I’ll eat for dinner,

When I have to leave for work tomorrow.

Be here now

A gentle reminder

To quiet the mind

And be present to the water,

The soap, the shower.

I stop,

Feel the droplets running over my skin

Little drops leaking into closed eyes

Hearing the squish of bubbles in my hair.

I’m calming, being present.

Writing a poem in my head,

Picking a book to read,

Rushing through the shower

To get back to life.

This is life

Another reminder

No matter how small

Everything I do is part of my life.

I cheat myself of minutes

If I spend time

Wishing I was doing something else.

Even if I don’t like or want to do something

It’s still part of where I am right now

So it would behoove me to

Be where I am without too much judgment.

 This may be the greatest lesson of my life

As well as the most difficult lesson.

To be where I am,

While at the same time moving forward.

One moment at a time.

 

This is not something new for me, this idea of being in the present moment. It’s something I’ve been moving towards for a long time. Something I thought I had mastered when I had Lyme disease and was bedridden for a year. But for me at least it is a lot easier to live in the present when my only responsibility is my own health. Once I was better and back to work and school, it became much more difficult to stay in the present because I had responsibilities to other people. So I went back to the beginning so to speak and am still working on being where I am. I’ve learned to take it one moment, one breath at a time. How are you living in the present?

From the darkness

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Out of the Darkness

 

Slipping slowly under the water

Down to the deepest section of the lake

Swallowed by the chill,

Engulfed in darkness

The ripples slow and end

Leaving no trace behind of

What has sunk below to the depths.

The stinging pain subsides

Giving way to numb silence.

It is in the depths,

The dark places of the soul

Where we find hope,

It’s in those spaces where the greatest lessons

Are learned.

It’s where we come face to face

With our shadows,

The parts we’d rather hide.

We meet every dreaded piece,

See our faults and cracks.

But from that meeting

Grows an understanding,

Which eventually turns to caring and then to love.

The greatest journey is to

Learn to love oneself

To love oneself as a whole,

Demons, faults, cracks and all.

To shift our view to see that all those

Dark parts of ourselves

The selfishness, the fear

Are really perfect because they create

Places for the light to shine through,

Serve as teachers to help move us along.

In the darkness, we can learn how to love

Muddle about until we can surface again,

Breaking through with shimmering droplets

Glistening and splashing in the morning light.

 

I have found and continue to find that out of the darkness- the deepest sadness and pain comes great understanding and love. Times of fear and anguish have led me to a place of greater knowing and self love. Of course when I’m in the middle of fear and sadness I’m in no place to recognize that I’m learning and growing, but when I come out the other side it all becomes clear. Sometimes even in the dark I can see that the dark allows the light to shine even brighter, and that is a special time. What have you learned in your times of darkness?

Growing can take some work

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Must Grow

 

Sometimes it’s the smell of grass on a warm day

That sends me spinning into peaceful joy.

Life outside myself,

Clouds moving with the breeze,

Flower buds slowly unfolding,

Reminds me of that connection to

More,

More than just this body,

More than just this fear,

More than just this sadness.

No one ever said growing was

Painless or easy.

Growing is growing,

It takes work,

But the more you push against it,

Pretend it isn’t happening,

Or try to keep it from happening,

The harder things become.

Think of a flower,

Watch as the shoots push themselves up out of the soil,

It’s not easy, and it takes work, but it has to happen.

If the flower tried to keep itself underground,

To stop itself from growing,

Bad things would happen,

It would become deformed, and eventually begin to rot.

The same thing happens to me,

When I try not to grow,

I feel it, the deformities,

The rotting,

It’s not good.

So I must grow,

It’s part of life, and

I must allow it to happen

I must work with it.

Go with the flow,

Be the water.

 

Sometimes when I am feeling stuck, feeling down and filled with fear, I try to remember that it can’t last. That like everything, I will make it through this and it will make me a better person. Thinking of how a flower has to work, and push to get itself out of the ground helps me remember that I too have things to push through. Those things I have to push through may be negative, seemingly debilitating emotions. Now I also believe that life doesn’t have to be hard, that things don’t have to be a struggle. Sometimes I forget that and get caught up in things, but I have to always come back to this utter faith and trust that things don’t need to be hard. Unless we “need” them to be for our own development. What helps you deal with growing pains?

Sending rainbow love

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Sending love

 

I close my eyes

To see the real me.

Radiant being of energy

Filled with love and light.

Casting a million

Tiny strings of

Colored love and light

About the planet,

Connecting with each radiant being.

Each tiny string

Is part of a greater

Plane of light that

Comes from and through me.

Tiny drops of silvery

Love shimmer and sparkle

Down each tiny strand

As they vibrate

With love.

Vibrating to a higher frequency,

I feel it tingle

In my hands, feet, heart,

Everywhere.

I can play them

Like guitar strings

Sending energy down one faster

Or slower

Changing the color,

Altering the shape the movement takes.

It’s a magical, mystical game

Sending love to all.

 

Have you ever had a moment where an image or word just popped into your head and wouldn’t leave? It just rumbled and stumbled around up there until you did something with it? Well that’s where this came from. At some point in meditating this morning, this image of tiny strings of colored light energy flowing out of me came up. As soon as it did I could tell it was sticking around until I processed it. Part of processing for me usually involves writing, but sometimes I break out the paint and colored pencils and pastels and get some color on paper. I have a feeling that may be the case here, but who knows I’ll have to wait and see.

I realized that this image is my interpretation of an aura or energy field or whatever you choose to call it. I’m always very sensitive to and aware of the energy around me, frequently I can feel it vibrating in, through and around me (it’s really cool). This poem is my way of letting you in, and giving a glimpse of what it’s like for me. How do you experience energy? 

I woke up, have you?

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I Woke Up

 

I woke up

The sun is rising

Clouds decorate the sky

Creating dramatic color changes.

 

I woke up

I have places to go

I have things to do.

My family surrounds me.

 

I woke up

I am filled with love

Birds call out a morning greeting

The air smells fresh and cool.

 

I woke up

To another day

Yet this day

This moment feels different

I’m home but feel as though I’m miles

Away watching the sun rise alone on a mountain top

Filled with such peace and beauty

Completely overcome with a

Pure sense of gratitude

At the wonder of it all.

 

I woke up

And thought what a wonderful day

To be alive.

What an honor, what a gift

To be able to breathe

And witness all that is and will be life

Mine and all the lives around me.

 

I woke up

And I am grateful.

 

I wake up everyday, but so frequently I forget what a miracle-what a gift it is to wake up. On the days that I really wake up; to the beauty, the glory, the wonder of being alive it’s a precious thing. It’s so important to take a moment to remember how lucky we are to be alive, to recognize all the adventures and wonders we have been a part of. This can be difficult sometimes when we are feeling down or depressed, but that is when it is even more important to look for the miracles around you. It’s time for us to wake up to the wonders that surround us, instead of remaining asleep. What have you woken up to?

It’s a grumpy kind of day

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Angry at the world

I think I’m going to be angry the world today

Do you think that would be ok

Just for one day.

It won’t last longer than that.

I promise it won’t become a constant hat.

I just feel so angry,

Everyone who crosses my path makes me feel

Worse.

I want to

Scream and

Yell and

Stomp and

Throw and

Hit and

Punch…

A pillow.

I want to

Cry and

Sniffle and

Howl…

At everything.

Grrr is what you would hear

Running through my brain.

All the little things loom around me

Making my anger rear it’s ugly head.

Yes It is quite ugly

Unrecognizable and so awfully loud.

So I think today I’ll be mad at the world.

Give my anger a chance to get all heated up.

I run around and hit a pillow, maybe dance it out.

By tomorrow I will be myself again.

I will love the world and put my anger to sleep.

At least until the next today when I have to be angry at the world.

You know it may not be so bad to hate the world

As long as it is done in manageable pieces,

And you make sure you love the world extra hard

And extra long when you aren’t angry at it.

 

Did you ever have one of those days where everything and everyone annoyed you. Where you just felt like crawling into bed just to get away from all the frustrating things happening? Yea, me too. Then of course I feel awful that I’ve been getting annoyed by things and feel like I’m some kind of spiritual fraud. I mean I’ve read books, done work on myself only to still get frustrated when cars cut in front of me. Not very spiritual huh? But you know what, I’m still human and that means sometimes I get aggravated by things. As long as I don’t turn around and smack someone it’s fine for me to have my emotions. Plus I’ve learned that frequently when I’m feeling aggravated by things it’s usually because of something else going on inside me. So when I get a moment and can just be with myself give myself some time to just feel what I’m feeling, all the aggravation melts away. I find that the more I try to pretend or push away “bad” emotions the worse it is for me. I find it’s better to let the emotions flow through so they won’t get stuck and make me miserable. Plus when I’m having a grumpy day I make a point of trying to be extra nice to people to counteract all the grumpiness inside. What do you think, what do you do when you’re angry?