From the Bottom Up

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My Year

A year of changes

Of internal investigation

Digging deep

Getting stuck in the mud

Tears running tracks in a

Dirt smeared face.

Getting well acquainted with

What isn’t right,

What I don’t want

To do, to feel, to be.

Spent a lot of time,

Blindly feeling about for

Something to hold on to.

Most days even in small ways

I worked, I moved towards what

I didn’t know,

Maybe still don’t completely know,

But kept at it.

Only temporarily motionless,

Only momentarily giving in to the lack of motivation,

The desire to curl up in a corner and never move.

But I moved, I walked

I thought, I felt.

Boy did I feel,

The pain, the sorrow,

The frustration, the fear,

But I kept going,

I felt it until it had run its course.

I made decisions,

I made connections,

I had realizations,

Lights went on, aha moments happened.

Joy returned.

Things I wanted showed up again,

Heart and mind started talking again.

Life became bearable,

Life became an adventure,

A delicious road leading somewhere scrumptious.

I gained clarity and insight

Into who I really am.

Spent some quality time

With me,

Walked around inside of me

To learn what I could

So that I can bring it with me out into the world.

I could probably apply what is in this poem to every year of my life. In reality every year, every, month, every day has it’s ups and downs, has moments of despondency and moments of joy. Every year, every month, every day, every moment I work on finding a  balance, I keep moving to see, to feel what’s next. How can you relate to this? When have you been able to keep moving even when it all seemed hopeless?

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