In despair






Soul wrenching despair

That empties out every

Single part of you

So much that you can’t remember what it’s like

To be full,

Even though it was only hours ago

That you know you felt it.

When sadness pulls you

Into the depths of darkness

That covers you

No matter how many lights you turn on and sit under.

When you feel so lost

No amount of directions could ever set you

Back on the right path.

When tears do nothing to ease the pain.

You feel so alone,

Standing on top of a mountain

So cold,

So silent,

So harsh and unrelenting

In its assault on you.

Despair of this depth

Changes you,

Carves away parts of you revealing other parts

You didn’t know existed, maybe didn’t want to know existed.

Until you barely recognize yourself anymore.

There’s no way it could possibly

Come out positive.


Lately I feel that many people I talk to are struggling with despair of varying degrees, from just feeling a little off, to being in a funk, to downright depressed. I know what that is like, I struggle with that myself and I wanted to share that. Frequently writing helps me process what I’m feeling – in order to write honestly about my pain, I need to really get down in it and explore it, otherwise I’m only scratching the surface of honesty. After I’ve spent time rolling around in the mud with my pain, after writing it down I can feel it lift. But I have to be honest about it, I have to let it be, because sometimes I am just not happy, sometimes I am inconsolable and you know what that’s alright – it’s part of being human. I find the more I accept my feelings whatever they are the less they are able to define me and take complete control. No matter how many times I feel as though there is no way it could ever come out positive, it always does. Truthfully somewhere deep underneath the pain is a knowledge that things will never be the same good or bad and that knowledge, that inner truth never goes away it’s just that sometimes I don’t listen or access it.

What do you do when you’re feeling down? 


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