Falling Forward

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Falling Forward

 

I try to remember to be careful

When I begin to fall.

To not let myself fall to hard to fast,

Try not to get so wrapped up

In another person.

But it’s hard to slow a fall once

I’m tumbling head first

Into this person.

How can I prevent gravity from

Pulling me with such force

Only to leave me smashed

And broken on the floor.

All I can do is hope that the person

I’m falling into

Will actually be there at the bottom,

To ease the pain of falling.

Opening up can feel so refreshing,

Letting someone in,

Letting myself imagine good times,

Can feel so great.

Yet in the back of my head,

This gnawing sensation,

A little voice that says,

“just wait, it won’t last”

The expectation, that he’ll disappear

Like all that came before,

Like dandelion seeds on the wind

Gone before I realize there’s even a breeze.

Then I’m left

With another hole

Wondering what’s wrong.

Telling myself I won’t let it happen again.

Until the next time,

Because part of me forgets,

Because I don’t want to be alone,

So I need to be able to open up again,

To try again,

To fall again.

Even if I’m smashed and broken

In the end,

I’ve taken another step

Towards finding love,

And no matter what kind of step it is,

Painful, small,

As long as it is a step

It moves me forward.

 

The human condition, to love each other to hurt one another and to keep moving forward. To be in relationships whether a romantic relationship or a friendship or a familial relationship, is to be hurt. But to be in relationships is also to feel love, connection and to learn. In order to really feel those things one needs to open up and that means risking being hurt. Of course we hope that the pain is not too great and that the love outweighs any pain.

How do you deal with the feeling of falling into a relationship?

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