Afraid

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Afraid

 

We are so afraid

Of what we can’t see,

Afraid it isn’t real

Afraid it might actually be real.

Heaven, angels, God

Love, potential, responsibility.

We fear what we can’t see

Because we can’t see it,

Not knowing is scary

There’s no way to prepare

Bad news – I can prepare myself and deal with it or not

Good news – I love it, I know how to respond

Not knowing the news – I don’t know how to respond.

We aren’t taught how to be with our unknowing,

We are taught about knowing, we are taught to learn

To soak up as much knowledge as possible

Knowledge is power

They tell you

Therefore not having knowledge

Means you are powerless.

And in this world we value power

Over just about everything.

So not knowing, not seeing, not having proof

Is uncharted waters 

Powerlessness,

That isn’t something we are comfortable with at all. 

So maybe what we really need

Is to get comfortable with all we don’t know

Recognize that the more we know 

Really just widens the spectrum of all we don’t.

One day we’ll find comfort in not knowing,

That there’s more still left to discover.

If we knew it all

What would be the point?

Where would be the adventure?

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Imagined

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Imagined

 

No matter how I try

To let it go

Just to see where it goes.

I’m attached.

I want it to be,

At least in my mind,

It’s been so long

And now the days grow short

Till your return to me,

Excitement ripples through me

Mixing with the fear

That it will fade into the night

Like all the rest,

That somehow I won’t be

What you want.

I fear that cool rejection

The tears and heartbreak to follow.

The question settles

On my heart

Heavy and daunting.

I want to be near you

To feel your warmth

Against me.

I fear I’ll be left alone

Shivering in the cold

As you walk away.

It’s all a play in my mind.

I’ve imagined it all

None of it exists in reality.

High Energy

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High Energy

 

How often

Excitement and fear

Run together

Side by side within me.

Excited by what might come

Terrified it won’t and

Terrified it will.

How life plays with us

How emotions leave me lost in thought

Imaging the best and worst

Almost simultaneously.

The answer is to let go

Release thoughts

From a cluttered mind

Allow emotions to run their course

Feel the high energy of excitement and fear

As it rushes through my veins

Without holding on

Without pushing it away.

Moving Out of Comfort

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Moving Out Of Comfort

 

I take a few steps

Deep breath

Take a few more

Slow and steady

While my heart beats a little faster

Nervous I might fall

Slip off the thin beam

I’m not sure can actually

Hold my weight.

Well outside

The zone of comfort

My body is on high alert.

When I make it across

Back and forth

Over and over again

Relief floods

With every step planted on firm ground.

Reaching out of my comfort zone

Is scary, slightly terrifying

And exhilarating.

Every fiber of my being

Is on edge

Tingles of energy run

Up and down

Waking me up

Jolting me out of any stupor

Turning off the endless chatter

Of an overly worrisome mind.

It’s good practice to

Step outside

Of the circle of safety and comfort

To widen it and experience

Life in a new

Heart quickening way.

 

Lately I’ve been learning and doing all kinds of new things that are kind of outside of my comfort zone and I love every minute. It’s such a wonderful feeling to do something that scares me and then know I did it. Even while I’m feeling a bit nervous I’m also incredibly proud of myself for doing it anyway.

 

What did it feel like for you when you moved outside your comfort zone?

Running From the Night

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Running From the Night

 

I walk towards the setting sun

Following the warmth

To the ends of the earth

Never wanting night,

Yearning to always be one step

Ahead of the darkness

A master of escape.

It wears me over time,

My feet grow tired,

My limbs

Slow down.

The constant race for sun

Can only go on for so long.

I fall

Exhausted to the ground,

Grass my bed,

No roof over my head

As night descends

Gently creeps from behind

As I watch the sun set

For the first time.

Terror grabs my hand

Attempts to pull me to my feet

To escape this unknown darkness

It grips my head, turns my stomach in knots.

I close my eyes in fear

When curiosity gets the best of me

I open my eyes

I’m greeted with a night sky dotted with

A million stars.

The silence and brilliance

Of the night wrap me up

In a cool embrace.

Like a burst bubble

Terror and fear disappear.

I’ll no longer fear the night.

I welcome the darkness

As much as the coming day.

I’ll find the lessons,

Create my joy

Even in the darkness

That was once unknown.

 

If we spend our lives running in fear from things that are unknown, we’ll never experience the miracle of discovery. We never know what might happen, but if we don’t explore, don’t try, we’ll be living a life in black and white – not really living at all.

What are you running from?

Foggy Fear

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Foggy Fear

 

Fear

Doubt

Come in like a morning fog

Creeping,

Rolling

Up behind

Wrapping, silky tendrils

Around every exposed part.

Trying to gain entry

To slowly tear away

All semblance of confidence

Of self certainty.

Slowly breathing on a naked neck

Bringing goose-bumps

Raising all the little hairs

For they aren’t welcome

Yet here they are,

Scrambling to be noticed,

Little children

Wanting attention all to themselves.

Deep breathing quells

The rising dread

At their return,

Welcome them in

Keep breathing

Sit with them awhile

Show them love.

Eventually the sun will rise,

With the coming of the sun

The fog will burn away

Leaving only clarity.

 

Fear is universal and it can pop up in unexpected times. I know too well what it feels like, that feeling inspired this poem. Sometimes, writing about it can help me process and move through it. 

 

What helps you with fear?

Work With Fear

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Work With Fear

 

Maybe it will always be there

This feeling, this fear

Of life,

Of moving forward, of success and failure.

Everything about life and growing up

Is slightly terrifying.

Even when everything is going well,

When I’m feeling at peace,

Whole, connected and like I’m finally on a path that works,

There is that little nagging in the back of my head

That fear that creeps and whispers

Attempting to derail me.

Maybe it’s not about getting rid of that fear

Maybe that fear is part of me

And instead of kicking it out

I could just accept it and finds ways

To work with it and thrive with it.

 

Accepting the fear within myself is not easy. I don’t like the fear I have, I wish I wasn’t afraid. But sometimes I am, and I do myself a disservice when I fight it or pretend that I’m not. Somewhere along the way I came to believe that fear was bad, but that’s just a belief and beliefs can always be changed. My fear is like a weed, misunderstood. I’ve always wondered who decided dandelions were weeds? They pretty and yellow and maybe they aren’t weeds at all, maybe you just need to change your perspective.

 

What are some beliefs you want to change?