Without Regrets

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Without Regrets

 

I don’t want to wake up

One day

Wondering what might have been.

I’ll live today as if it’s my last.

I want to laugh until it hurts

Love more than humanly possible.

Stick my toes in warm waters

Jump just to feel the wind beneath me,

Smile at everyone I see,

Feel the sun against my skin

Let gratitude rule my days.

Dance and skip and sing

I want to be silly

Just because it lightens up my days

I want to break free of barriers to joy,

To do work I love

That makes a difference in the world.

Allow nature to heal me as much as it can,

Sit with trees and really smell the flowers.

Never take for granted what’s

In front of me right now

Because tomorrow isn’t

Promised,

I never know when I

Won’t be able

To do the things I want.

So I’ll feel gratitude for every day

Tell people that I care,

Live without regrets.

Always Waiting

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Always Waiting

 

Wait for the moments

Of silence

Of nothing left to do

Of free time,

Wishing, hoping

Them to speed

To present moments.

When they arrive

Wait for things to do

Lost in an interrupted routine

Bored and zoned out.

We are a species

Of waiting.

Always looking for what’s next

Never satisfied with

What’s now.

Take a moment to

Find contentment

With the present

Whether it be silent or hectic

Calm or hurried.

To Now

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To Now

 

Memories rush back

Old films

Playing in a minds eye.

Summer escapades

And days gone by

Adventures past

And loves forgotten.

A warm nostalgia

Accompanies each memory,

She’ll travel down the road

Remembering events as they were

Without taking from now.

Fondly looking on

What came before

Leading to a wonderful now.

Real

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Real

 

Your hand in mine,

Laughing with you

This is what’s real.

The smile that won’t leave my face

The butterflies floating

Inside

How safe I feel being near you,

Is what’s real.

It’s all brand new

Tomorrow isn’t set

But right here

Right now

It’s real

It’s happening.

I’ll let go of tomorrows

Let go of yesterdays

Settle into the flow

Of what’s happening now.

I am where I am

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To Be Present

 

Water rushes over me

But I’m not here,

I’m going over my to-do list,

Thinking what I’ll eat for dinner,

When I have to leave for work tomorrow.

Be here now

A gentle reminder

To quiet the mind

And be present to the water,

The soap, the shower.

I stop,

Feel the droplets running over my skin

Little drops leaking into closed eyes

Hearing the squish of bubbles in my hair.

I’m calming, being present.

Writing a poem in my head,

Picking a book to read,

Rushing through the shower

To get back to life.

This is life

Another reminder

No matter how small

Everything I do is part of my life.

I cheat myself of minutes

If I spend time

Wishing I was doing something else.

Even if I don’t like or want to do something

It’s still part of where I am right now

So it would behoove me to

Be where I am without too much judgment.

 This may be the greatest lesson of my life

As well as the most difficult lesson.

To be where I am,

While at the same time moving forward.

One moment at a time.

 

This is not something new for me, this idea of being in the present moment. It’s something I’ve been moving towards for a long time. Something I thought I had mastered when I had Lyme disease and was bedridden for a year. But for me at least it is a lot easier to live in the present when my only responsibility is my own health. Once I was better and back to work and school, it became much more difficult to stay in the present because I had responsibilities to other people. So I went back to the beginning so to speak and am still working on being where I am. I’ve learned to take it one moment, one breath at a time. How are you living in the present?

Pasts that never were

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Pasts That Never Were

 

Memories of a past I dreamt I had

Float through foggy sights.

Twinkling city lights

Paint the pictures of a home

I never lived in.

Snowy winters trudging through city streets

I moved away from before I could make them mine.

Soft murmurs of what could have been

If only things went differently,

Waft on sound-waves reaching my mind.

Wanderings of wondering greet me in the morning,

Peeling back the layers revealing

Shards of lives ended before beginning

As choices were made.

 

Breaking dawn only wakes those who were sleeping,

All the rest bear witness to its brilliance,

While we imagine how it looks from the other side.

Light of day shows card catalogs of lives

Waiting to be picked,

Pasts discarded, replaced with new ones,

Futures shifted and reshaped of shredded cards.

Hushed voices of those unlived lives,

Yearn for a place, a microphone to spread their words.

Instead snow covered streets

Hold the trackless wandering of the ghosts

Of all my pasts and futures that won’t be lived,

Mixing together on their lonely road.

Reaching chilly hands, with icy fingers

To a tired mind,

Giving glimpses of possibilities never possible.

 

I walk these country roads,

Placing opaque images of city streets

With all their ghosts

On top of trees, just to see what happens.

Bird calls, and falling leaves wipe away

A past that wasn’t mine and a future not quite ready.

Leaving me with only all that was

Only all that will be

Only all that is.

 

So frequently we become caught up in our story, in the past, in the future. Wondering what would be if the past had been different, or wishing things had been different. These things can occupy so much of our thoughts. Especially in times when things aren’t going the way we hoped, planned or wanted. Then again sometimes these thoughts are just inspired by walking down a road and wondering what could have been. This poem is a journey of my own with the past. How I was drawn to these thoughts while walking, but eventually coming back to the present realizing that thinking and wishing will never change the past and that now is all we ever really have. It’s important to recognize the value in the past, in history, but to remember that the present moment is where life happens. What do you think?