Sadness

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Sadness

 

Sometimes it hurts so much

That I can’t remember who I am,

That my body doesn’t feel like me.

A heaviness invades every part of me

Weighing me down from my core.

Until tears live on the verge of exposure

All day.

The mornings no longer bring

Hope and excitement for what

The day might bring,

Instead the heaviness returns

Pulling me down.

All is wrong,

Exhaustion overcomes easily.

It all seems so pointless.

Everything feels ridiculous.

My brain doesn’t function and things come out

All wrong, and I feel like a piece of meat

Hung out to dry.

 

Then the sun shines through the rain

Making the droplets sparkle

In its light.

For a moment I remember all the love

That lives in me,

All the joy that waits

For my return.

I know though I’m not there

One day I will be.

I turn back over

Go back to sleep,

Moving towards a new day

Moving towards the light and love.

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Lingering in Sadness

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Lingering in Sadness

 

Just let me linger

Here a while

In my misery

My empty pain,

That is just numbness

Where haze covers

Life.

Sunlight stings eyes

That long for darkness.

Came on suddenly

But hit me all over

Even down to my toes

They look worn out and sad too.

Even lingering doesn’t

Help, just prolongs the feelings

I don’t know how to get beyond.

A lonely heart,

That would mean my heart is living

In me, which it’s not, at least I can’t feel it.

So I’m just lonely,

No lonely heart,

Just plain lonely,

Floating around in a sea

Of nothing.

 

Sometimes it’s important for people to be able to just feel what they are feeling. It is easy to feel happy, but feeling sad is usually not so easy. Sadness is not a desirable emotion so we always want to get out of that feeling as quickly as possible. But sometimes we have to just feel our emotions however undesirable they are.

 

What emotions do you not like to feel?

On the Ground

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On the Ground

 

I’m laying on the cold hard ground

Searching for what I’ve never found.

Arms and feet sprawled out in all directions

Naked legs and cheeks

Just may meet the smooth cool floor.

When I fell I didn’t make a sound,

The little cracks that splintered

Shattering me to the earth

Were silent in their breaking.

I’m excised from my being

As I’m broken on the floor.

I’m one of me and yet apart,

As lonely tears fall slowly down

Pooling all around

My face that’s flattened on the ground.

It’s lonely in my weakness

No one has heard my fall,

I’m empty and disbanded

With not a witness around.

I’ve lost all sense of time

All sense of self.

I know not who I am

Even less who I’ll become.

I’ll lay here in my waiting

Staring blankly on ahead

To see beyond the world.

I’ll wait for absolution

From each of my sins,

I’ll wait for resolution

To come lay claim to me.

Until I am rejoined

And breath begins anew,

All this is forgotten

And my mind lets go of you.

 

Sometimes I just need to be sad, to lay on the ground in anguish. I’ve realized that the best thing is to allow myself to feel whatever it is I’m feeling. To try and pretend otherwise or try to make it go away is the opposite of productive. So I let myself go to those dark places, when I need to. But I try to limit how long I stay. Eventually the more I try and feel what I’m feeling, the more those feelings dissipate.

What helps you feel what you’re feeling?

Loss

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Loss

There are two things that happen

When I lose something

One is I get really sad

Tears, sobbing the works.

Two is anger,

Rage at life for taking it from me

Anger at myself for getting attached.

 

Anger and sadness get all mixed

Up inside my head

Tearing me up and ripping me apart

Until I’m a ball of shreds

Tangled up and limp

Laying on the floor

Devoid of all energy.

 

To be completely emptied

To have heaved forth

All that was inside

To painstakingly cut out

Every piece of myself

Leaving an empty shell

Wandering around the planet,

I am open once again

An empty vessel to be filled

A canvas to be painted.

 

I guess it’s part of living

The falling, letting go

Restructuring of all beliefs,

If they are never tested

How will we ever know.

In the midst of all the testing

The questioning and pain

We’re unable to see

What we’re destined to know.

It won’t be until later

After those

Wounds begin to scar

As we heal ourselves

With patience

And breathing as we go,

That we’ll begin to understand

All that we need to know

 

And realize at once

That all we know is nothing

And we understand even less

But that’s all we really need

To be our very best.

 

Loss, happens everyday. We lose friends, family, jobs, homes, hope. Loss is an inevitable part of living. It’s what we do with that loss that counts. But here’s the catch, that doesn’t mean therefore we have to accept loss gracefully and joyfully. We are allowed to be pissed, allowed to be sad, depressed even. Those can last as long as they need to, the key is figuring out how long you really need to feel those emotions. Recognize when you have dropped from feeling into wallowing and make a choice to change it. This is one of those shitty difficult parts of human living, luckily we have a whole life-time to practice! Lucky us. 

What helps you get through loss of any kind?