Do It All

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Do It All

 

In the winter

I feel it even more

The closing in,

The shortness of

Life.

The need to hurry and

Do all I want to

Before I am no more.

All too aware

How quickly things can change

How in a moment

I could be bedridden

Unable to move.

Live life to the fullest

Can go a bit too far

Creating anxiety

That I’ll never do it all,

That I’ll shrink and shrivel

Without having really lived.

Pressure from an unseen source.

Deep breath in and out

Can calm me

Remind I’m doing what I want

I don’t need to do it all,

Only be in joy now.

Time doesn’t really exist

So it can’t run out.

Sadness

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Sadness

 

Sometimes it hurts so much

That I can’t remember who I am,

That my body doesn’t feel like me.

A heaviness invades every part of me

Weighing me down from my core.

Until tears live on the verge of exposure

All day.

The mornings no longer bring

Hope and excitement for what

The day might bring,

Instead the heaviness returns

Pulling me down.

All is wrong,

Exhaustion overcomes easily.

It all seems so pointless.

Everything feels ridiculous.

My brain doesn’t function and things come out

All wrong, and I feel like a piece of meat

Hung out to dry.

 

Then the sun shines through the rain

Making the droplets sparkle

In its light.

For a moment I remember all the love

That lives in me,

All the joy that waits

For my return.

I know though I’m not there

One day I will be.

I turn back over

Go back to sleep,

Moving towards a new day

Moving towards the light and love.

Tricky Time

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Tricky Time

 

Sometimes it feels like

Things inside my head are running

At a million miles a minute.

I look around and everything

Is still

Yet my insides feel like they are spinning

Out of control.

It feels like time is creeping and flying all at once

How is it possible

That my perception can

Be so drastically different

At the same time.

In reality it’s only my perception,

Because time always moves the same,

30 minutes are 30 minutes no matter

How they feel to me.

Time is tricky that way.

Or rather I make it tricky.

Time to Familiar

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Time to Familiar

 

New places

Filled with new spaces.

All unknown to me.

Familiarities remind me

Of home,

But it’s all brand new.

Wandering and walking

The streets

Trying to figure out

All I need to know.

Strange faces

Stare out from windows

Off stoops and porches,

Questioning who I am.

What turns unfamiliar

To familiar

Time.

In the best circumstance

A small amount of time

Until the new spaces and places

Become intimately familiar

Until those faces

Smile warmly in greeting

Glad to know who I am.

 

Whenever I move to a new place I always wonder how long it will take for it to become familiar to me. When it will stop feeling new and start feeling normal. I realize there is no set amount of time, and that it tends to creep up on you.

What have you experienced in new situations?

On and On

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On and On

 

I wake

To see the sun

Lighting up the way

For me

To walk today.

The minutes drifting by

While I count

The breathes I take.

One

Two

On and on.

Until the sun is setting,

Closing down another day.

I counted every second

And it still flew by.

Want to speed it up

Long to slow it down

Left with

Each breath.

One

Two

On and on.

 

How do you experience time?

Time

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Time

Look up at the sky

Just to wonder about time,

Wonder just how it goes by.

Where those little

Grains of sand go

As minutes march

In two opposite directions.

Time moves forward

It also moves back

Collecting memorabilia

So that we won’t forget.

Creating for tomorrow

What will be old news

Yesterday.

So we’ll move along

The waves, searching

For the clock, the timer

To tell us when to go.

Hoping that we hear

The sound, that we will

Understand

All it tries to say.

 

Whenever we have visitors and they leave time comes to my mind. How we wait for them to come, then they are here and then they go. And no matter how long or short, it’s sad when they go. It makes me think of how time moves without a care for our relationship to it. Time moves slow or fast, but time doesn’t actually change, only our experience of it does. 

 

How do you experience time?